Black and White
by BrenRenQoI
Summary: What if Sam had drawn the short straw in Shades of Gray and had been the one sent to talk to Jack? Angst warning!
1. Chapter 1

Sam knocked on Jack's door, no small amount of trepidation filling her belly

Sam knocked on Jack's door, no small amount of trepidation filling her belly. She desperately wished Daniel had drawn the short straw, or even Teal'c, but such was her luck of late. She was the unfortunate teammate to confront the colonel on his recent uncharacteristic behavior.

Jack answered the door, decked out in full civilian regalia, without even so much as a "Hello".

"Hi, sir," Sam said after a moment.

"I'm retired," he said by way of greeting. "You can drop the 'sir'".

Sam nodded in reply. "I'm here to… well, to talk, I guess."

"So talk," Jack retorted, his tone not quite civil and certainly not inviting conversation.

She regarded him for a long, silent moment before nodding at him again. "You have another of those?" she asked, indicating the beer he held in his hand.

Jack nodded, then stood aside for her to enter. She took a couple of steps in and let him close the door behind her.

Jack walked into the kitchen and fetched a beer, appearing a moment later behind Sam. He stuck the beer at her from over her shoulder, and she took it wordlessly. She opened it and took a sip.

"Thanks," she said. "So… I guess I should ask the obvious question… Why the sudden change of attitude lately?"

"Yes to the beer, no to the conversation." Jack was obviously not going to make this easy on her, she decided.

Not one to be deterred that easily, Sam pressed on. "I know you've voiced some… dissatisfaction over certain races being unwilling to share their advanced technology, but outright stealing from them? It's just not like you."

"Maybe you just don't know me as well as you think," he retorted.

"After three years of working with you, I'd like to think I know you pretty well."

"I bet you would."

Sam sighed. "Maybe you're right," she said. "Maybe I don't know you that well. After all, the man I thought I knew wouldn't have given up so easy on being rescued back on Edora."

"Easy? It took you three months to figure something out. I'd have thought, as brilliant as you're supposed to be, that it wouldn't have taken you so damn long."

"Building a particle generator from scratch isn't that easy." She took a sip of her beer before continuing. "Besides, playing house with the natives? I expected better from you."

"Careful, Carter. You're starting to sound jealous."

"Jealous? Hardly. That would mean I care about you… a lot more than I'm supposed to. Even before you retired, that's a line I wouldn't cross."

"Because unlike me, you respect the rules and regulations."

"You said it." Sam sighed, not liking the adversarial tone this conversation was devolving into.

"And even now that I'm retired, you still won't cross the line, will you?"

Sam frowned, wondering why he was baiting her so.

"No, sir. I still think there's hope for you… if you'd just apologize, make some attempt—"

"Attempt at what? Making amends? They made it pretty clear, I crossed the line one too many times. Final straw and all that. There's no going back. My bed's made, time to lie in it and other bad clichés'."

Sam set her beer down on the coffee table. "So you're just going to give up, then? What about the team? Don't we mean anything to you?"

"You'll be fine. Hammond'll find a suitable replacement in no time, and you can go back to your happy reg-following ways."

Sam cringed. "What about Daniel? Teal'c? You think they'll have an easy time learning to follow someone new?"

"They'll adapt."

Sam shook her head. "What about me? What about the… the friendship we've been building for the past few years? Does that mean nothing to you?"

"Friendship? Is that what you call it?" Jack asked, his tone snide.

Sam snorted softly. "I thought so. I guess I was wrong about that, too."

"Guess so," Jack replied.

"And the past three years working together were just… what, marking time?" Sam stood. "Don't bother to answer that. I'll just… I guess I'll be going now."

"You can see yourself out, I'm sure."

She spared him one last questioning glance. "So this is really it, huh?"

Jack stood up and came nose to nose with her. "Unless you wanna rethink crossing that line, Samantha," he said with something resembling a leering look.

She stood there for a moment, her breath mingling with his, a debating look in her eye. "Maybe if there were some semblance of the man I thought I knew… But you're not that Jack O'Neill. You're someone I don't even know.' She took a deep, steadying breath. "Goodbye." She turned and marched out of his house. Only when the door was safely closed behind her did she let the tremble run through her body unabated.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack sat back and did nothing

Jack sat back and did nothing. For a man of action, it was an unaccustomed moment. He wanted to get up, to follow her, to say something to alleviate the hurt that he'd just caused her, but the mission wouldn't allow it. He had a job to do, and he was the only one who could do it justice.

It sucked to be him sometimes, he thought. And why did he have to be so good at alienating the only people who had really given a crap about him in years? The only people who had made him give a crap about himself? It reeked to high heaven, and the one thing Jack knew for certain was that he would have to take some serious time to make amends when all was said and done and this mission's objectives were accomplished.

He'd screwed up pretty badly with the whole Edora fiasco, he knew that. He'd hurt her more than he'd even realized were possible, and the worst part was that it had taken a team effort on the parts of Teal'c and Daniel to knock some sense into him and make him see the damage he'd done. It had taken an unfathomable two weeks for him to realize he hadn't even properly thanked her for her efforts in his rescue. He was still kicking himself over that one. It didn't help matters that his belated thanks had come only moments before getting assigned this horrid mission to betray his team with this blasted sting operation.

Jack finished off the last of his beer and decided to get another. It wasn't like he'd be going anywhere anytime soon. His "retirement" was as official as it would get, only Hammond and the President knowing that he was really still on duty. He figured he'd have a good long while to stew in his proverbial juices before the rogue group would brave contacting him.

He still couldn't believe how far he'd pushed Sam. Had he really suggested she cross the line? And had she actually said she might have considered it had he not been acting so… so out of character, for wont of a better way to put it? He wondered if she knew how revealing her parting shot had been.

Perhaps there was indeed some part of her that wanted… more. More than just the friendly professional relationship they had established over the past few years, more than just CO and second-in-command, more than… more than what they had. Could such an amazing woman as Sam Carter actually be interested in a beat-up old war-horse like him?

Why? It wasn't like he had much of anything to offer her. On the contrary, he was pretty certain he'd just drag her down, and he'd hate to be responsible for dimming the light that shown so brightly in her beautiful eyes. He'd be a fool to think that he could actually make her happy, wouldn't he?

Then again, it was she who would always smile at his lame jokes, who found humor in his sarcastic wit, whose face would brighten just upon seeing him enter the room. Maybe, just maybe, he might have something to offer her besides a one-way ticket to a court martial.

There was that obstacle, though. Anything he might think about having with her would greatly jeopardize her career, and the last thing he'd want would be to see her accused of anything less than earning on her own merits every accolade she'd ever gotten. Any hint of an affair with her CO would have the grapevine gossiping about how the great Sam Carter had simply slept her way to the top, and Jack wasn't about to let that happen.

That effectively ruled out any possibility of anything more than friendship, so he resolved himself to being the best friend to her he possibly could be. It was the least he could do for her after everything she'd done for him. Three months of hardly eating or sleeping just to save his sorry ass had earned that all by itself, to say nothing of everything else she had done for him over the years. She had kept him grounded and honest, with himself and with the world. She had, simply by being the woman she was, made him want to be a better man. For that, she deserved every bit of happiness he could bring her, in whatever small measure.

Jack sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. It was a real shame this ugly mission was getting in the way of these newfound realizations and revelations about his wonderful second-in-command, that any action to remedy the damage he had done that day would have to wait until some time in the unforeseeable future. He swore quietly to himself. If it took every day for the rest of his life, he would make certain that she knew how much she meant to him.


	3. Chapter 3

"So… Uh… Carter… That stuff I was talking about at my house

"So… Uh… Carter… That stuff I was talking about at my house?" Jack knew he was going to have to mend fences, and now was as good a time to start as any.

"Yes, sir?" Damn, she was back to that strictly professional tone that he was starting to hate.

"The place was bugged, I had to keep up the act." It sounded lame, even to his own ears. Still, it was a start, right?

"It's okay, sir. I understand." Sure, she understood. Didn't mean she forgave him, though, now did it?

"Obviously, your friendship, the team… you all… mean a lot to me." Jack winced. That couldn't possibly have sounded any lamer, now could it? "I just thought I should make that clear…"

"Crystal clear, sir." Her stride was a crisp and professional as her tone. Oh yeah, this was going to take some work.

"I do appreciate that you were the one who… who came to see if I was okay. That means something."

Sam stopped abruptly. "Actually, no. It doesn't."

"It doesn't?"

"We drew straws. I lost."

Jack's jaw dropped open, then snapped closed just as she turned and walked away. He turned to Daniel, who simply shrugged and followed after her. Teal'c inclined an eyebrow at him before following his teammates, leaving a bewildered and frustrated Jack in his wake. This was going to be harder than he thought.

He let his team go for a while, finding himself wandering about the base. He went by the General's office for a post-mission debriefing, then went to the commissary for a cup of coffee. It was there that Daniel found him.

"You did a lot of damage, you know," Daniel said without preamble. "I don't remember the last time I saw Sam so pissed at you. What did you say to her?"

"Anything and everything I could to thoroughly alienate her and throw her off the track. Couldn't have her getting suspicious that it was all an act."

"Well, whatever you said, it did the trick. I mean, you just started making amends for what you did on Edora and then this… It's going to take some time, I think, before you can get things back on track."

"You certainly don't seem that upset," Jack said.

"I'm not the one you attacked."

Jack winced, then ran a hand across his face. "'Attacked'? That her word or yours?"

"Mine, though I think she'd agree with the sentiment." Daniel shook his head. "So what're you going to do?"

Jack took a sip of his coffee as he contemplated the answer to that question. "I'm open to suggestions," he finally replied.

"Well, you could start by having a real, meaningful conversation with her. Try apologizing."

"I tried."

"You can do better," Daniel urged.

Jack sighed. "Guess I can try again."

"She's in her lab now."

"You're not gonna let this go, are you?"

"I'd kinda like my team back to normal, wouldn't you?"

Jack looked across at the younger man for a long moment before nodding. "An apology, huh?"

"It's the least she deserves, and you know it."

Jack nodded, finished his last gulp of coffee, then stood up. "Her lab, you say?"

Daniel nodded, and Jack turned and left the room.

A few minutes later, he was poking his head in the doorway to Sam's lab. "Hey, Carter… you got a sec?"

Sam extracted herself from the device she had been buried in, turning slowly to face him. "Yes, sir?" Her tone was still cautiously professional, he determined despite the brevity of her words.

Jack stepped into the room, idly picking up one of her… doohickey's, turning it over in his hands before she carefully extracted it and set it back down. "Careful, sir. That's delicate."

Jack nodded absently, his mind working through how to best approach the subject. "So… I just wanted to say… Well, I know I was a jerk when you came by…"

"Just doing your job, right, sir?"

"Yeah, but I've got this feeling that I crossed the line a little too far, and I think… I should apologize. I didn't mean to… That is, I'd hate to think I… damaged our relationship."

Sam regarded him for a long, quiet moment. "I'm sure whatever damage was done can be fixed, given time," she finally said, her tone a little less professional and a little more friendly.

"Time," Jack repeated quietly. "Take all the time you need, Carter. I'm not going anywhere."

Sam nodded. "I should really get back to…" she gestured behind her.

Jack nodded with a small smile. "I should let you," he said, but he didn't move. After a moment, Sam started to turn away. He crossed the room to stand just in front of her, preventing her moving any further. "Sam," he said quietly. "We'll be okay, right?"

She looked up at him, a small smile filling her features. "Sure we will. Eventually."

Jack looked at her for a long time before finally nodding and moving back away from her. "I guess I'll let you get back to…whatever it was you were working on."

"Just making a few adjustments to that particle generator that I built to get you off Edora. It was in danger of overheating when we used it, and I was trying to devise a way to keep it self-cooling. I thought that maybe if I reversed the polarity of the—"

"Ah, ah, I don't need the details, Carter. Carry on." He wondered if he'd ever get around to telling her how hot she was when she went on one of those technobabble binges she loved so much. He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly as he reined surging hormones back under control. "By the way… Thanks again for saving my butt out there. I really do appreciate the rescue effort."

Sam turned to him suddenly, her face an expression of surprise. "You're welcome. Happy to have you back," she added.

He smiled for her as he turned to leave her lab. Yeah, things would get back on track pretty quickly, given time, he thought. Maybe he'd even invite her to go fishing with him next time they got some leave. And maybe she'd even accept. He doubted it, but… hope springs eternal.


End file.
